The Magical Realism Encyclopaedia
A: an APPLE and the planet Neptune have a child; it is altruism.
B: a BALLERINA is writing a list of three things: a fossil, a swamp gum tree, and Florence Welch’s favourite microphone.
C: a bell made of glue is found in a bag of salt and vinegar CHIPS, do you know why it’s there?
D: a DRAGON called Cosmo refuses to eat anything besides fine porcelain flowers washed down with absinthe
E: an ENCHANTRESS medieval healer time travels to a coconut milk factory, and wonders why they are not canning liquid mercury instead
F: a team of FIREFIGHTERS is dispatched to a house exuding confetti instead of smoke, and there they rescue a group of sentient eggs
G: a manic GOLDSMITH invents a locket made of condensed disappointment
H: a HALLOWEEN pumpkin bucket writes a book of poetry about axolotls
I: in ICELAND, a glacier becomes a koi fish when someone spells apple cider on it
J: a boy named JACK vomits up glass giraffes when he is given new shoes
K: the king of DENMARK plots to steal a ventriloquist’s morning croissant
L: a LIZARD dances a tango with the apocalypse
M: every MUSICAL in history becomes a portal to the Big Bang
N: a NUCLEAR winter occurs, but only in snowglobes.
O: an OPIUM pipe refuses to talk to anyone from South Dakota unless they sing ‘Oh, Susannah’ in at least a 4 part harmony
P: a POTATO dances in the New York Subway to a symphony of emeralds
Q: the QUEEN of Tonga takes a roadtrip along the Milky Way with Jane Campion
R: a ROSE quartz crystal is found under the pillow of a half-empty chocolate box
S: a SPIDER sits in an art museum wondering why there are no gargoyles above the entrances and exits.
T: in TASMANIA, a blue opal ring decides to form an orchestral chorus using fried shrimp as instruments.
U: an UNDERWATER camera will take photos only of despair.
V: a VAMPIRE in Macedonia will only dance to hula music. A quokka choreographs his routines.
W: a WITCH has a broomstick that remembers all her humiliation
X: a XYLOPHONE made of sloth bones will argue with you about the consistency of different beach sands
Y: YOU wake up inside the left shoe of Oscar Wilde’s favourite pair.
Z: ZEBRAS gain the power to foresee every song that anyone will ever sing off-key.
(inspired by the Twitter account MagicalRealismBot)
